No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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