we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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