Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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