i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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