My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
