Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
