he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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