please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
