there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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