I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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