i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
