I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
