Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
