We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
