She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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