Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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