I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
