have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
