Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had sex on a roof
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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