Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
