Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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