Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
