im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
