i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize