i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
