he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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