I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
