Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
