I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
