do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
