Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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