This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
