No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
