So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
