It's like God shit irony all over that family
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
