so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
