ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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