I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
