I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
