I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
