So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
