Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
