I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
