you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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