He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
