When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize