I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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