make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
