My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
