So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
