so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize