yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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