the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
