My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
