Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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