The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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