So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
