I cockslap morals
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it because I queefed?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
