it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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