Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize