u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
