I wanna bring you to show and tell
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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