Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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