if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
