3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
