Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
